When I first started midwifery, I did not expect to be where I am now or even doing what I am now. Those beautiful dreamy births we all read about do still happen (and quite often) and I am just as in awe of them as I was at the beginning, but the magnitude and scope of a midwife is much larger than just labor. It is a bigger task than even all of the appointments that we do before and after the birth. If we just take a blood pressure, listen to fetal heart tones, take labs, etc. and do nothing else then why are we doing what we are doing? What brought us to midwifery?
When we check on our families, yes, we know that the baby is doing well. The mother is doing well too- at least medically speaking. What about how she is feeling? Is she happy? Sad? Depressed? This is something I realize when I was in training that we truly lacked.
Being chosen to be someone’s midwife is a blessing. It should not be something we have privileged them someone with. That family is letting us in on something that will change their lives forever- FOREVER.
Just recently, I visited with an expecting mother. As we got closer to the birth and meeting the new baby, I noted that she really was not concerned about the birth. Her excitement about meeting baby was also eclipsed by one other thing- her mourning. Not because she was not nervous about giving birth. Nor was it because she was not excited to meet the newest addition to their family. But she mourned for the loss of their little family of three as it was. Her time with her husband and eldest daughter was coming to an end and there was a sense of finality that having the new baby would bring to that.
The transition period- the balancing act- of figuring out:
“How am I going to still show my love to everyone the same way?”
“Is my older daughter going to know how much I still care for her?”
“What is this all going to look like?”
All of these questions and more weighed much heavier on her than any other possible concerns. But it is not just her that feel this way! Most expecting mothers feel this way! I know that I did when I welcomed my second baby and honestly, I even did with my first when I had to say goodbye to the season of just me and my husband.
Mourning the changing of the seasons is not bad- it is NORMAL. And being a midwife, I think that reminding mother’s that it is okay to feel things. It is perfectly acceptable and natural to feel that way. Reminding them what is normal is a huge part of being a midwife. As a midwife we reassure, love, care, and respect the family we were asked to help.
I try to make it an intention to validate these feelings in women and not brush off the feelings that these women have. When someone brings up a feeling they are having, it is a big deal- who wants to be vulnerable like that? We are in a special position to get the inside scoop on these things so we should take extra special care with these families. If we don’t, eventually that mental game being played will turn into a medical problem.
We are here to be with women. Supporting them and their families is our biggest prerogative! We can help the transition even just with a listening ear, a tissue or two, and caring hands.